Leaving Rwanda

It was surprisingly easy. I was able to say goodbye to those I cared about and when I finally left my village I had an entourage of 12 students and the headmaster walk me from the school to the main road where they presented me with a parting gift.

Part of the reason it was so easy to leave Rwanda was probably that I was going on a trip to Uganda with my Cyangugu biffle, Claire.

Also, traveling between countries in the East African Community leaves you with a feeling of familiarity and slight confusion; everything is the same but with little differences. The languages share many words, the ways of life are very similar, and the culture shocked backpackers are identical. So, starting my COS trip in Uganda wasn’t enough to force me to realize that I am not in Rwanda anymore.

Yet, I’m writing this from outside a restaurant in Sultanahmet (the old city in Istanbul), eating falafel & döner and drinking beer & a chocolate milkshake (don’t judge my gluttony), overlooking the Blue Mosque and it feels like Rwanda never happened. It feels like I’ve already fallen back into the norms of life before Rwanda, like I’m back in Boston.

It comes in waves though. Yesterday I ate döner while walking down a crowded street and not a single person judged me or asked me for “their” food. The availability of street food and the ability to eat street food was pretty shocking. It’s not forbidden by law in Rwanda but it might as well be with how people drop jaws when they see you eating a banana while you walk.

What I’m starting to realize is that reverse culture shock for me isn’t going to be about the transition of life back to the US but about the small, sometimes miniscule, differences that came to define my service. Personal space, privacy, food, ideas of cleanliness, time management, are just a few of the things that have been focal points of change within me and I will either continue with those changes (for the better I hope) or revert back to my old habits. 

Friendship

I joined Peace Corps, among other reasons, to meet new people and learn about a new culture. Ostensibly, I’ve achieved that; I know many people and I know more about Rwandan culture than any other culture, outside my own. I wouldn’t consider a single person in Rwanda a friend however (students notwithstanding, but that’s a vastly different relationship and one with, albeit blurred, boundaries). There are many people I am friendly with but that’s not the same as being friends. The difficulty lies both within the culture and within me.

I don’t know what it’s like to have gone through genocide. It’s indescribable. There’s nothing I can do to fully grasp the enormity of such a traumatic situation. It changes people. It changes their behavior. It changes their perceptions of others. It changes their ability to trust in others. This I can come to terms with. I have to earn a person’s trust just as they have to earn mine. It’s not an easy thing to accomplish in a post-conflict country however, and one that many people have claimed is among the more difficult Peace Corps countries in Africa to serve. What’s difficult to come to terms with is how, after two years, the other teachers and the staff members at my school repeatedly fail to invite me to ceremonies, school meetings, or simply talk with me during lunch. I don’t know how many meetings I have learned about by pure happenstance. If I decided to wait another ten minutes, like I was going to but decided to leave earlier, to walk to a neighboring village to buy pasta that I didn’t need until a few days later I would not have run into a fellow teacher and found out about the dean of studies at my school having a little get together for teachers and staff members to celebrate her recent engagement.

It’s a daunting task being thrown into a foreign culture. I’m very shy when I meet new people and I despise small talk, so making a connection with other people takes a long time for me. So in the beginning I tried slowly to integrate and know the teachers. I always sat in the teacher’s room preparing lessons, marking quizzes/homework, or reading a book. I tried to make short conversations but those never amounted to much. Eventually I learned teacher’s never talked with me because they didn’t want to “disturb” me. Somehow, me doing the same things as other teachers (save reading a book) seemed more important and not worth interrupting. Still, I persisted. I interrupted conversations. I sat next to groups of teachers. I ate lunches with teachers. I baked teachers banana bread. I asked to watch movies together. I shared media. Yet nothing happened beyond the superficial after two years. I’ve barely had a more in depth conversation with a teacher as you would a stranger.

It’s equally overwhelming to have an outsider in your midst. It’s a complicated dance getting to know someone of a different culture. But what adds fuel to the flame with the failed attempts trying to get to know teachers is that walking down the street on any given day I would meet at least one person who would say to me in English or Kinyarwanda that he/she wanted to be my friend. People who didn’t even know me, whose English was hardly ever very good (I can speak English with all the teachers at my school without difficulty) would express sincere desire to get to know me. Perfect strangers had more to do with me than my colleagues after two years, though eventually it would surface that they wanted something from me (i.e. money, private English lessons, a white person to be seen with to increase their perception of being important, a white wife, a visa to America, a job, the list goes on). The realization that after two years I made the same amount of progress in building a lasting relationship as if I had never even tried is upsetting.

Not everything is an emo song filled with self-loathing and tirades about being alone and unloved. I have my students. They are among the very few reasons I’ve remained in Rwanda and will be able to finish out my service. The conventional student-teacher relationship is something I said goodbye to a long, long time ago. In any different situation my students would be people I could see myself being friends with, sharing good conversations with over a beer. But the situation is what it is and I have to maintain some modicum of professionalism and distance, which hinders the development of a real friendship.

I have my market mommas who I am loyal to. They know me, know what I want, and always give me a bonus avocado, bonus sachets of peanuts, bonus onions, etc. We’re always friendly with one another and talk for a short while when I come to their stalls. But they’re my market mommas, not my friends.

I have people who I greeted on occasion (read: went to their houses, shared Fanta and biscuits, and had awkward conversations). Even though I liked the people I greeted it became a chore. I had to walk an hour each way (uphill both ways, because this is Rwanda and hills defy geographic norms) only to talk about something as long as it took me to drink a Fanta, then leave, as custom here dictates. I did these things to try and be closer with someone but the first conversations and the last conversations were nearly identical and showed no deeper connection.

But that’s what I don’t understand. It seems that locals themselves don’t know one another on a deep, meaningful level. There’s some expression in Kinyarwanda about not sharing information with friends because you don’t know who your friends are and if they’re actually your enemies. Here’s a standard conversation when you see someone:

Person 1: Mwiriwe mwiriwe!

Person 2: Yego, yego. Amakuru?

Person 1: Ni meza, ni meza! Wowe?

Person 2: Ni sawa.

Person 1: Uvuye hehe?

Person 2: Hariya.

Person 1: Ugiye hehe?

Person 2: Hariya,

Person 1: Sawa, sawa. Munsi mwiza!

Person 2: Yego, yego, nawe!

Person 1: Good afternoon, good afternoon!

Person 2: Yes, yes. How is the news?

Person 1: It’s good, it’s good! You?

Person 2: It’s ok..

Person 1: Where are you coming from?

Person 2: There.

Person 1: Where are you going?

Person 2: There,

Person 1: Ok, ok. Have a good day!

Person 2: Yes, yes, and you!

This is almost verbatim the exact conversation I have with nearly everyone. No details beyond what’s observable are ever discussed. I have never been asked what I did during the weekend, just how was the weekend.

Ramblings in summation: it’s difficult coming to the end of my service and realizing that I’ll be leaving with acquaintances and not friends.

Punishment

Students in Rwanda have a highly developed sense of smell, body odor recognition notwithstanding. They can identify fear, weakness and uncertainty as best as any predator in nature, and as such they will attack ruthlessly and without mercy. To combat this, a teacher needs his/her arsenal of punishments to be fully stocked and ready for use.

I take a more preventative approach in my punishments to deter future or ongoing problems. During any quiz there is absolutely no talking without permission (raising hands to ask me a question). Talking in any fashion, even asking another student for a pen, is an automatic zero for all parties involved, no second chances as they frequently request. Harsh but effective. When I write a quiz on the board I have students stand up, turn around, and sit down facing the opposite wall. If they turn around to glance at the board they receive an automatic zero.

Students are generally free to come and go as they please though. English class is treated more of as an elective and as such I don’t have interest in teaching those without genuine desire in learning and participating. Because Rwandans love hierarchies, students always ask for permission to leave for the toilet (they’ll either ask for permission or say they want to make a short call). When they ask for just permission I like to ask them for what? to go to the bar? to sleep? to make some food? This always embarrasses them for some reason and they’ll fess up in specifics - to urinate, to defecate, and once…to shit.

I don’t really punish students outside of failing them. The occasional embarrassment, kicking them out of class or me walking out of class (though this is probably more a reward, which I’m happy they haven’t developed a Pavlovian response to), is the most I do. School policies on punishment are quite extensive though. All of these result in the loss of marks on their overall grades. Some have additional punishments, noted by the + bullet point under them. My favorites are italicized.

§  Noise in the classroom, in dormitory, in church

§  Not wearing the school uniform – in the classroom, worship, church

§  Unauthorized out goings of the class

+        Manual work

§  Unauthorized out goings of the boarding school

+        Temporary chasing (week-end) of 7 days or

+        Exclusion from the boarding system

+        Definitive chasing according to the case

§  Unjustified lateness in classroom, dormitory

+        Manual work

§  Impoliteness, disobedience towards a teacher, an authority

+        Definite chasing according to the case

§  Drunkenness, smoking tobacco

+        Definite chasing according to the case

§  Stealing equipment of the school or belonging to a comrade

+        Temporally chasing (week-end) of 7 days

+        Definitive chasing according to the case

+        Reimbursement

§  Putting the school equipment outside of the classroom

§  Chasing with or without a document during a quiz or exams

+        Obtain of zero (0)

§  Refusing or being late to do a punishment

+        Maintaining the punishment

§  Fighting with another person (a pupil or stranger)

+        Definitive chasing according to the case

§  Changing the body skin or hair

§  Wearing hats or fancy jewelry at school

+        Confiscation of the jewel

§  Talking to strange people without permission

+        Temporary chasing (week-end) of 3 days

§  Scandalous and secret frequenting between a girl and a boy

+        Temporal chasing (week-end) of 7 days

§  Unauthorized presence in the dormitory

+        Manual work

§  Boycott of cleaning activities

+        Maintaining the activity

§  Doing incomplete cleaning activities

+        Redoing those activities

§  Eating unauthorized food and outside of the refectory

+        Temporal chasing (week-end) of 5 days

+        Confiscation of the foodstuffs

§  Abusing or blaming a cook, a pupil, an authority

+        Temporary chasing (week-end) of 3 days

§  Unauthorized presence in the kitchen

+        Manual work

§  The one who is caught having a mobile phone will be chased

§  Refusing to  take notes of any course

+        Manual work

§  Urinating in the school’s compounds

+        Manual work

§  Bringing a mirror, combs, body lotion and bottles water in the classroom

§  Absence in the classroom, in dormitory, and in refectory

§  Charring food and eating with hands in the refectory

+        Manual work

N.B. –  Failure in quarterly discipline: Exclusion from the boarding system

            Failure in annual discipline: Definitive chasing

Officially there is no physical punishment allowed in Rwanda. In practice though, it varies from school to school. At my school students are beaten with a wispy branch a few times while they are kneeling. I don’t think it’s truly that painful and is more symbolic; it’s like receiving a harsh spanking when a child. It stings sure, but ultimately it’s not so bad. These things happen today in the States, so it’s not just a Rwand-emic problem. The difference is that when I lived in Tennessee I had to get a waiver signed by my parents saying it is or is not ok for the Vice Principal to beat me with a wooden paddle with holes. Those waivers don’t exist here.

Nerding Out

Kinyarwanda is by far the most complicated language I have studied, which includes Russian and Homeric Greek. Here is an unadulterated presentation of tenses in Kinyarwanda taken from the grammar book I was given during training. Below are only 25 tenses, excluding the subjunctive, imperative and modals.

Simple Present

§  indicate an action that is currently occurring

§  Urarya umugati (You are eating bread)

§  describe a temporary situation

§  Barashaka amata (They want milk/they’re looking for milk)

subject prefix + simple present tense marker + verb root

Note: the simple present tense in Kinyarwanda often translates to the present progressive in English.

Habitual Present

§  indicate an action occurring in the present and continuing indefinitely

§  Akunda umugore wawe (He loves his wife)

subject prefix + verb root

Present Progressive

§  state an action that is currently occurring

§  Ndimo kuvuga (I am speaking)

kuba (to be) conjugated in the present, optionally adding –mo followed by the infinitive

Stative Present

§  express a state or condition in the present, such as to be happy, hot, late, tired, or waiting. Many of these verbs in Kinyarwanda translate in English as adjectives used with the verb “to be”

§  Ndasinze (I am drunk)

present subject prefix + present tense marker + past participle root

Dynamic Present

§  used by verbs which do not conjugate regularly in the present, but instead combine the present subject prefixes with the past participle. Verbs that take the dynamic are slightly random and do not fit a regular pattern

§  Ngiye (I am going)

present subject prefix + past participle

Simple Past

§  indicate an action that took place in the past

§  Ihene zararishije (The goats ate)

§  express a state or condition that occurred in the past

§  Nishimiye (I was happy)

past subject prefix + past participle (with object)

past subject prefix + ra + past participle (without object)

Near Past

§  indicate an action that happened today

§  Nabonye umukobwa (I saw the girl)

It is identical to the simple past in writing, but spoken with a soft stress on the first syllable of the past participle

Very Near Past

§  describe an action that has just been completed

§  Imvura irahise (The rain just stopped)

§  express an ation that is just about to be completed

§  Turariye (We were just about to eat)

Note: this tense is most commonly used with kuza to mean “just now coming” or “just about to come” though it might litereally translate as “have just come”. In practice, the near past of kuza is used whether or not the subject has even started to move, and it may take the subject anywhere from a minute to several hours to actually arrive.

present subject prefix + ra + past participle

Habitual Past (Imperfect)

§  an action that habitually took place in the past

§  Muri America twaryaga ifromagi buri munsi (In America we used to eat cheese very day)

§  a continuous action that occurred in the past and was discontinued

§  Nigaga muri university (I used to study at university)

§  a state that occurred continuously or habitually in the past and was discontinued

§  Warasindaga (You used to be drunk)

past subject prefix + root + tense marker (with object)

past subject prefix + ra + root + tense marker (without object)

Past Progressive

§  describe an action or a situation that was in progress at some point in the past and began before another action in the past

§  Narimo gukora igihe wantelefonnye (I was working when you called me)

kuba in the simple past + (-mo) followed by the infinitive

Past Perfect

§  indicate a past event that occurred before others in a sequence of events

§  Sinashatse kurya kuko nari nariye mbere yo kuza (I didn’t want to eat because I had eaten before coming)

kuba in the past tense followed by the verb conjugated in the simple past

Future-in-the-past

§  describe planned events or actions that did not take place

§  Nari ngiye kurya ariko… (I wasn’t going to eat but…)

kuba conjugated in the simple past + kujya (to go) conjugated in the stative present followed by the infinitive

Simple Future

§  indicate that an action is scheduled to take place in the future

§  Nzagusura ejo (I will visit you tomorrow)

§  predict an action or state that will occur in the future

§  Igi rizameneka (the egg will break)

present subject prefix + za + root

Immediate Future

§  indicate an action that is about to happen in the immediate future

§  Imvura igiye kugwa (It’s going to (about to) rain)

 kujya conjugated in the dynamic present followed by the infinitive

Near Future

§  an action that will happen sometime today, but not in the immediate future

§  Ndaza gutelefona n’ijoro (I am going to call tonight)

There is no precise equivalent to this tense in English and it can be translated either with “going to” or “will”

kuza conjugated in the simple present followed by the infinitive

kuba conjugated in the simple present + bu + root (minus A) + e

Future Habitual

§  an action that will habitually take place in the future

§  Nzaba ntelefona mama wanjye buri cyumweru (I will call my mother every week)

§  an action that will occur continuously in the future

§  Ntituzaba dufite umuriro (We will not have power)

§  a state that will be continuous or habitual

§  Bazaba batinya (They will be afraid)

kuba conjugated in the future followed by habitual present of the verb

Future Progressive

§  an action that will be in progress at some point in the future

§  Nzaba ndimo kuryama (I will be sleeping)

kuba conjugated in the future followed by kuba in the present (optionally adding –mo) followed by the infinitive

Future Perfect

§  an action that will be completed by a certain time in the future

§  Nzaba nariye (I will have eaten)

kuba conjugated in the future followed by verb conjugated in the simple past

Not-Yet Tense

§  describe an action that has not yet been done

§  Ibisi ntirägenda (The bus has not yet left)

negation prefix + present subject prefix + rä + root

Still/No longer Tense

§  convey the meaning “still” or in the negative “no longer”

§  Ndacyakora (I am still working)

subject prefix + racya + root

-ka- connecting tense

§  connect verbs in a sequence of actions when the second action depends on or results from the first

§  Ufata ibishyimbo, ukabirongo, ugabishira ku mashyiga (You take beans, you add them to water, you put it on the stove)

subject prefix + ka + root

gu- verbs: subject + ka => ga + root

kw- verbs: subject + ka => k + root

The first conditional: the possible

§  convey possible situations

§  Uriye cyane, waba munini (If you eat a lot, you will be fat)

1^st verb: present subject prefix + past participle

2^nd verd: past subject prefix + present root

The second conditional: the probably

§  convey probably situations

§  Iyo uryamye, uransinzira (When you go to bed, you fall asleep)

Iyo + 1^st verb: present subject prefix + past participle

2^nd verb: present subject prefix + ra (if no object) + present root

The third conditional: the potential

§  convey a potential occurrence in the future

§  Nindya cyane, nzahaga (If I eat a lot, I will be full)

1^st verb: ni + present subject prefix + present root

2^nd verb: present subject prefix + za (future) / ra (same day) + present root

The fourth conditional: the past impossible

§  discuss an event that would have happened if something else was true

§  Iyaba nari wowe, sinari gutembera n’ijoro (If I were you, I wouldn’t walk in the night)

IIyaba + 1^st verb: past subject prefix + past participle

2^nd verb: kuba conjugated in the past followed by the infinitive